And Then I Watched Her Die
by Dinochickennugget
Summary: With Thor assisting, Loki prepares to deliver an unplanned baby. Thorki Trigger warnings for blood/gore, childbirth, and stillbirth (Reposted to correct formatting)


Seventeen hours. It had been seventeen long, agonizing hours since this ordeal began. Loki pressed against the cold wall of the cave, just in time for another sharp, horrible pain to tear at his swollen abdomen. Against his better judgment, Loki let out a single, sharp cry. Sweat poured from his creasing brow, trickling down his cheeks alongside the tears. Breathing unevenly, he laid down once again, shifting desperately to try and find a more comfortable position.

Perhaps due to the magic used in order to hide the pregnancy, Loki had rarely felt the baby kick. In comparison to the others, this one was considerably easier to carry. Most of the symptoms were mild, and his growth was slow and easily masked with a simple concealment charm. But still, the intensity of this labor nearly made this pregnancy among his worst.

The contraction peaked. Knees pulled to his chest, Loki cried out once again. Biting into the tunic he had torn away much earlier, he let out a muffled scream.

"You have hidden away again." A deep voice came from behind. Strands of golden hair fell upon Loki's face as Thor crossed the floor of the cave to hold his brother in a strong embrace. "There was no need to."

"The news was not well-recieved the last time," Loki reminded with an exhausted sigh as the contraction let up. "I could not put another child in any form of danger." Loki winced. Even though the contraction had faded away, he still felt sore and exhausted.

Thor recognized this tired, worn look in his brother's eyes. "Come here," he invited, spreading his strong arms wide for Loki, who crawled gratefully into the embrace. "Does it hurt terribly?"

"I can manage," Loki insisted, though the tears welling in his eyes said otherwise.

"Let me help you," Thor insisted gently. "Just remember to keep breathing."

Loki nodded, sighing softly and drying his tears. Thor rubbed gentle circles in the small of Loki's narrow back. "This child will be arriving soon. May I ask who the other parent is?"

A flash of fear broke through the pain in Loki's eyes. "You will be mad at me. Please do not me mad at me. I had only the best interests in mind, though I know now they were misguided.

A sinking feeling gathered in the pit of Thor's stomach. Not one soul in all of Asgard knew about the intimate nights they had spent in each other's company. They were amazing, oh yes, filled with passion and with the secrecy. Of course, such an act between two future leaders was forbidden. If anyone had even the slightest suspicion... Thor did not want to imagine what a scandal two brothers lying together would cause. "This child... It is mine?"

"It would seem so," Loki confirmed, wincing with the slow build of the next contraction. He found himself nearly wishing that it would peak already. The anticipation and anxiety for the pain was nearly as bad as the physical sensation itself. "Yes, Thor. This child is yours."

"Oh." Thor's thoughts went silent. He was nearly beyond the capability to comprehend what Loki had just said. The news was nothing that could be considered good for either of them. Still, Thor could not help but to feel some degree of excitement at the thought of having his own baby.

His reverie was broken by Loki's pained cry. His face scrunched up, fingernails digging into Thor's arm. "I need to push," he insisted. "It needs to come out. I have a funny feeling, bad things will happen if it does not come out."

"Let me look," Thor said gently. "Just breathe, relax."

Nodding, Loki laid back and spread his long legs. "I'll be gentle," Thor promised, though the short exam was still enough to cause Loki to bite back a scream.

"I'm sorry. Hush. It is all done. Come here?"

Loki shook his head, pulling away so that his knees were closed and Thor could not touch the painful area. "I can do this on my own. It is time, is it not?"

"Not yet," Thor whispered, sympathetic to the hurt in Loki's eyes. "You have not yet opened as widely as with the birth of Slepnir, or Hel. Give this little one time. Too soon, and you may find yourself in further distress."

"The difference being that Hel was out in a fraction of this time," Loki grumbled. "And Slepnir, even that horse was easier to deliver. Now I can only imagine what sort of hideous beast is due to emerge."

"Do not say such a thing," Thor begged. "Your child- our child- will be glorious, the perfect prince or princess of Asgard. A wise ruler, some day. Just get through this, right here, right now. I will be here for every remaining moment of this delivery."

"Just get it out of me! Get your spawn out of me!"

"Shhh... I will." Thor continued to hold Loki, feeling the heart pound inside his narrow chest. Even pregnant, Loki was frighteningly thin, with every bump of spine and ribs clearly seen and felt. "It may just take time. But I have an idea that may ease some of your pain." Without another word, Thor scooped Loki up, hoding him protectively close. Loki made a sound of protest at the sensation of increasing pressure that built in his back as Thor grabbed the area. It was a struggle to stay quiet as Thor ventured deeper into the cave.

Steam mingled with the sweat of Loki's face. They had come to a wider cavern that held bubbling hot springs. Even though this cave was naturally constructed, it was the epitome of Asgardian glory. The high, arching blue walls were striated with bands of silver and diamond. Dozens of feet above, the hint of turquoise sky offered the occasional breeze of cool air, smelling sweetly of lavender and honeysuckle from the fields beyond.

Thor gently helped Loki undress and slide into the warm clear water. The warmth helped to ease away the lingering soreness.

For a while longer, Loki laid still, occasionally sighing with relief from the temporary hiatus from the cramps. Between the physical demand of labor and the heat, he found himself nearly dozing off a handful of times. The excitement of the baby was the only think keeping him close to awake. Thor sat by his side the entire time, wiping sweat from Loki's narrow face, stroking back the silky black hair, whispering sweet reassurances.

"Thor," Loki asked shyly after nearly half an hour. "I have not contracted recently. Can you check and see how far left there is?"

"Of course." Thor sat down at the edge of the pool. Loki pulled himself out of the water and laid out on his back, legs spread, secretly terrified. Thor began a quick examination. He was by no means a medical expert. But this was the third birth Loki allowed Thor to assist in. That was enough experience for them both. "I can see- I do not recognize it as a head. But I do see the child. Do you want to try to push yet?"

Loki shook his head. "It is strange..." he mused. "Suddenly, I do not feel ready. There are no urges similar to the ones I remember with the other two, or an hour ago, for that matter."

Thor nodded. "In that case, would you like to try the water again?" Loki nodded, slipping in just as the delayed contraction finally began. It hurt, but not as strongly now. The warmth seemed to be helping melt the tension in his muscles away.

"You are doing very well," Thor reassured, massaging Loki's frail and shaking shoulders. "Truly. I only with there was some way for me to take your pain upon myself."

Loki shook his head. Hair spilled into his eyes, sticking to the sweat, before Thor brushed it all back. "I would not want for you to be burdened with this."

It faded away quickly enough. Thor checked the progression once more. "Something looks very wrong. Loki, are you most certain that you cannot deliver now?"

Loki considered it for a moment. "I can try... Why? What seems wrong?" He began to panic. Despite his previous harsh words against the child, he was overjoyed to be a parent with Thor. The thought of any harm coming to the darling... It was unbearable.

"With the others, they presented their head first. This child, I do not see the head. I see what appears to be their knees. This may be why it has all progressed so slowly."

Loki nodded hesitantly. He had only one care in the world. "So is this child injured?"

"I cannot be sure until after delivery. That being said, I think a swift arrival is in both of your best interests."

"Uh huh..." Loki squeezed his eyes, grit his teeth against the building contraction. "Then do it."

Thor nodded. He kissed Loki's damp forehead, smoothly lifting him from the water. "I will need for you to hold very still and breathe. Look elsewhere. Focus only on my voice."

Loki turned pale, his whisper weak, childlike. "Are you mad?"

"Not at all." Thor flashed a quick smile. "I am delighted." He turned his attention back to the emerging baby. Blood began to bubble from the lacerations inside of Loki. "You are tearing. Try not to push."

"Can't help it," Loki groaned. The pain was building each second now without the help of the water. "Not pushing really, really hurts. Please, please let me push. Please... Please, Thor, if you do love me... Please!"

Thor stared at the baby's knees. There was no reaction to Loki's words. He knew that it was the agony alone that forced Loki to say these things. "I am going to try and assist the baby's arrival now. I know it hurts. I know, I know, I am sorry." His hands plunged in alongside the baby's knees, immediately becoming drenched in Loki's blood. Loki involuntarily let out a horrible, bloodcurdling scream.

"I have the baby, I have you, you are both alright..." Thor repeated over and over as he twisted the baby onto its back. Loki was turning pale, breathing raggedly, continuing to whimper and bleed. After moments of no response, Loki managed a tiny nod. "Deep breath..."

Loki was too exhausted to scream again. He laid still, feeling a final tug and enormous cramp as Thor twisted the baby free. Pressure suddenly released.

"Is it... Is it another girl?" Loki's shaky, barely audible question came after several breathless, silent moments. "Because... because the last stages of the pregnancy, they felt similar to those of with Hel."

Thor didn't respond. Growing anxious, knowing Thor's first attention to the baby was taking much too long to be normal, Loki struggled to sit up. Doing so, he felt another gush of blood. "A healthy princess of Asgard, is this child not?"

But Thor only shook his head, bringing close to Loki the body of an infant, tiny and underdeveloped, wrapped in Thor's cloak but still clearly strangled by its own umbilical cord, splotchy purple and not breathing. The baby was beautiful, even in this state, with Thor's strong jaw and a hint of Loki's dark hair. Sobs wracked Loki's frail body as he clutched the baby closer. "I'm sorry," he bawled over and over again, rocking the baby, fingers struggling to untie the cord, though they both knew resuscitation was impossible. "I am so, so sorry."


End file.
